Aching

Foe the last two days I have been trying to not write how I really feel right now. It would be easy to say that I heartbroken over the way this adoption is process is going. The truth is my Soul aches in a way I never knew possible.

The baby's caseworker is no longer returning my phone calls nor those of my caseworker. I can not believe that she can hear the heartache in the messages that I have left for her and not have enough decency to return the call or even respond to the email messages. How can you not care that I really want this beautiful little boy. Shouldn't this be about him.

I have cried everyday this week because I feel so empty. I have always been the type of person to guard my feelings and it is times like this that I am reminded of why I am that way. I went into the first meeting with an open heart and mind, even with his medical issues I wanted him. Now I feel like he has been snatched away from me.

All I want to do is lay in the dark and cry. I have been trying to pray the pain away and not even that has worked. Nothing has ever made me feel so miserable in my life.
Please pray for my soul. I am in desparate need of some type of peace right now.