Nightmares

I have a vivid imagination and sometimes it is very evident in my dreams. I understand that alot of people don't remember their dreams but I always do. Last night I had a nightmare that I was in this house and my cousin Cynthia and another lady were sitting on the back porch beckoning me to come outside when a man walked up with a rocket launcher and aimed it at the house.

I took off running to get my baby from another room (she was already in a car seat for some reason) I go down some steps and into a basement where there is a false wall that leads to a underground tunnel. I get on a golf cart and ride the tunnel all the way to the end which leads me to the basement of another house miles away. When I exit the tunnel and enter the basement I am dressed in the way of a muslim woman in a Middle Eastern Country. I get into a car that is parked in the garage and I leave. I drive about four hundred miles where I stop to buy a disposable phone from a 7-11. I think about calling this guy but for some reason I start thinking he is the one that set me up to be killed so I don't call him and make sure to throw away my personal cell phone. I drive until I get to a Carmax where I sell the car I had been driving. I purchase another vehicle from a different dealership for some reason my diaper is full of money. Once I get the new car I change clothes, feed the baby and drive until I get to a secluded house a couple hundred miles away. The door is opened by this man who I seem to know. He tells me that everyone thinks that me and my daughter died in that house and that it is good because we can live with him and I won't have to worry about anyone being after me.

When I woke up from this dream I could feel my body trembling from the fear I felt in the dream. So that is what I dreamed last night.

Merry Christmas

I wish you all and blessed and beautiful Christmas. I have learned a valuable lesson in the last 24 hours. Life is not promised to you so live everyday like it will be your last.

To those of you that I call friend or family. I love you all. 2009 is going to be a powerful year for me and I look forward to sharing my life with you all and meeting new positive people.

I have made the decision to return to school in the upcoming year and majoring in either English or journalism. I feel that I was born to be a writer and the time is now.
As the song says "THIS IS MY NOW

Goodbye Friend

Sandra died today, and I was glad that her suffering is over, but I miss her. Throughout her battle I just knew that she would be alright and for a small amount of time she was. I don't think I ever told San that I loved her but I really do. Not many people get close to my heart but she did. She is the kind of big sister that every girl should have.

My heart aches because I just knew we would get to take that cruise when she got better, Me, her, She and Vera we were going to take a cruise and have the time of our lives but Cancer changed that. I have not cried yet and I imagine that is because it has not sank in that she is gone. One should never question GOD but I wonder if someone put the wrong name on the list, there was much for her to do and for us to learn together. In my heart I know San has gone to heaven and will look out for Vera and Mariah, I just wish we could have had one more talk, just one more. She was so funny and could always make me laugh.

I love you San. I will do my best to take care of Vera for you.

Up next:

A book review for Until There Was You by Francis Ray.
I read it before but lost my copy so I had to buy the new one which included a short story until then.


Later

Sorrow

My friend is dying and there is nothing that anyone but God can do about it. Truthfully I have not seen "S" since earlier in the year like April I think. She looked good then, heavier than she had ever been but she looked good.
ALthough I have not seen her she has been on my mind and in my heart all of the time. She is too young to die and apart of me finds it unfair but who am I to question God's decision to bring her back home. She fought hard to beat breast cancer and won, now there is the brain cancer. The doctors have decided that there is nothing more that they can do.

I am angry at them for giving up on her, but I realize that she has given up as well and that saddens me. I do understand her being weary and not having the energy to fight for her life again.
I love her like one of my sisters and I don't want to say goodbye to her, I just want to remember the good times that we had together. I pray that her passing is painless for her.

I am back

I had not made a post because I had taken a placement of two small children. 22months and six months. I did not take long for me to realize that I had made a mistake, I could not handle two children at one time.

I kept them for two weeks before they moved this past friday to another home. Although I know that I made the right decision it still hut to let go of them. I took plenty of picture of them before I let them go but it was still so painful.
I have no doubt about my desire to continue fostering but I need to regroup after letting go.

I have decided to take one child at a time for here on out.

new people in my life

Hello,

On Tuesday I received the placement of two small children one boy and one girl. I must say that I don't know what I was thinking. Just going to the bank today was an adventure onto itself.

I am going to give it some time before I decide what to do.