Rainy days

Today I saw the raindrops on the window sill and I thought of you. Prayed for your happiness and let you go. My life has begun anew, I have been made whole.

Thanks God.

Hello

i swear i have not abandoned my blog. I have just been getting settled here in Dallas. I landed a job the week after getting here so i have been busy. So about my new job.. Love it! I work for Lancome as a Beauty advisor or customer service if you wish.

I can not believe somebody is paying me to talk about makeup. I have never tried Lancome prior to working there because I did not think it came in my shade and again I was wrong. It is far from cheap but luxury is the name of the game.

I hope all of you are well. And I will be here more often as I am preparing to get my own place and I want to make it cozy and well put together so I can have a place of peace

Randomness

never made decisions when you are angry.

Prayer works.

Don't underestimate me because I will show what I can do.

I drove from New Jersey to Dallas, TX by myself.

I am sorry that you don't know what you did.

Listening is very important.

Judge me if you wish. But walk in my shoes first.

I still believe in love and nothing will change that. Nothing.

I forgive you.

Be willing to change or be willing to lose it all.

I am going to cut all of my hair off again. I can't wait.

It bothers me that you can't see past your own feelings.

I have awesome, crazy sisters.

It is almost ten.. bedtime!

I am back.. Going Home

Being going through some things that I did not want to really speak about before but after tonight's events I have decided to speak my heart.

My marriage is an abusive one, not physically mind you but definitely emotional and verbally. I having been praying and praying and I feel led to return to my family in Texas.

When I actually had to call the police it is most certainly time to let go.

I find the more I talk to God the worst the situation became. Please remember that abuse is not just physical.

I love my husband however, having been a victim of sexual abuse when I was younger I vowed to never be that type of victim again. I shall not be a victim.

So this coming weekend I will take the 25 hour drive back home

Still Around

Just going through somethings. I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday and spent that day and the next. I am home now and I even went to work.  Trust me driving is the most taxing part of the job. I love where I work.

Today is my born on date!

Every year my birthday makes me so excited. After having a heart attack in April of 2010 my birthday took on more meaning for me. You see I did not think that I would turn 34 or even make to today 35!  But by the Grace of GOD I am here and I am damn happy about it.

Today has made me realize that I have been quite lax in some areas and I have settled for less in others. I am determined to live the best life possible and I am even willing to take this journey alone if that is GOD's will.

Today I am a happy woman because GOD blessed me with another year and I will be eternally grateful. Now I have a kindle full of new books from my amazing friend Keii and I am going to read until my eyes pop out! And I am going to get a pedicure and lay on my sofa while my husband makes me a steak dinner, with home made fries, garlic butter and a salad.

Once again, my friends

It is almost that time of the year! Where no one can tick me off and I become totally and completely self-centered.

Yep you guessed right it is my birthday! Not just any old birthday but my 35th birthday. And before you ask I do not feel old. I feel alive, tested but strong. I am on a journey and I am looking forward to where it goes and what happens along the way.

Somebody told me not to pray for patience anymore so I am now praying for peace and understanding of others.  I am praying for God to quiet my tongue at times. Because my mind and my mouth are quicker and deadlier than bullets at times.

Anyhow!!! 7 more days to the big day and all I want is Amazon gifts cards (told ya'll I love my kindle) Seriously I have an un-natural addiction to it. It is in my purse right next to me at this moment. I sleep with it next to me as well.

whew!

so I got this new part time job at a state office and let tell you it is in the most beautiful location. It is on a island in the Atlantic Ocean called Sandy Hook. it is a part of New Jersey of course. I just did not know that Jersey had that kind of beautiful. Just imagine driving on the freeway and coming to a place where there is nothing in front of you but ocean. And the road curves and you going onto the island.

I drive past the actual beach where people are surfing and boating. But from my office I see the most beautiful water. Although we have a lunch room most employees eat at picnic tables outside.

I am gonna take the camera on Monday and come back with some photos

Hello, is this thing on!

Today has been the most boring day ever!!!
I read an entire book. Played my sims game and look at this maxi dress pattern for the 900th time and even moved it back next to me.

I have so much inspiration but not enough get up and go.

I hope you are all more productive than I am at the moment.

Heat Wave

so the east coast is having a heat wave and while I sit here with two fans blowing cool air on my body, I am bored. With a capital B.  I want to sew the maxi dress that is laying not even a foot away from me but I can not keep my eyes open!

It is currently 81 degrees inside of my apartment and yes I have the air on but these places are old and not well insulated so heat is what you are getting.

Lol! I am typing with my eyes closed. Okay I will be back later.

Crafty goodness

CAN'T STOP MAKING THINGS

she makes some cute things. definitely keeping this near me.

Found a link for this blog on the crafty site http://www.cutoutandkeep.net.

Another DIY blog.. I love to see women doing their own thing!

http://honestlywtf.com/category/diy/page/2/

Day 10 - 10 secrets

Seriously I don't have ten secrets..  But I will tell you a few things that not many people know.

1. I was sexually abused as a child by two different men. This caused me to a have a unnatural sexual addiction. Therapy works! and so does Jesus.

2.  I got pregnant and miscarried at the age of 14. My life would have been much different if I had not.

3. I am a cancer survivor Uterine and Cervical.

4 - 10. that's it. I have no other secrets or at the very least none that I willing to share with the world.

Peace and Blessings to you.

Day 9- 9 loves

Now this really makes me think!

1. my daddy

2. my baby sister Courtney

3. My husband

4. the rest of my family

5. books - reading is what I do.

6. writing - just can't stop

7. being happy

8. good hearted  genuine people

9. GOD

this list is not in any particular order.

I am gonna wrap up this meme tomorrow.

Cooking up a storm

So my husband's laziness has turned me into Paula Deen!  Lately I have been learning to make more Kenyan food to satisfy his cravings.
Mandazi is what I made for him today.  It reminds me of beignets but there is ginger in it and there is no powdered sugar on the outside.

I also make a beef stew that I do not eat but I have learned to make for him quite well. The next thing I plan to me is cheddar drop biscuits. I am hoping these taste as good as my imagination has decided they will.

I will be posting more of the things I make.. Since the blog is all about me I can do what I want. Smooches

day 8 - 8 fears

hmm now see I am not a vulnerable chick so I don't like exposing my fears...
But..

1. Not being a mother

2. Not ever finishing my book.

3. Not completing college this go around.

4. That I would rather be alone sometimes.. ( I mean, like being able to go into the bathroom with someone asking me a question)

5. That my fears will get the best of me.

6. That my husband will ask to see this blog! (lol)

7. Not being a mother.

8. That I won't know how to be a mother. (although I know this fear is unfounded)

9.  can you tell I really want my own kid. rather adopt than get pregnant though. Just saying.

10. That I won't stay. (no explanation given)

Day 7 of 10 day challenge: 7 wants

7 things I want:

1. A child of my own, don't care if I birth it, adopt it or someone leaves it on my doorstep. Just want to be a mommy.

2. To be healthy enough to raise said child.

3. A lasting marriage.

4. A better relationship with GOD.

5. to get a degree in Social Work

6. to understand my MIL (not gonna happen)

7. Did I mention that I want to be a mommy because that is important.

Don't be afraid to comment.

So guess who joined a gym?

Yep!

That would be me.  Don't even know why I did it. I went with my husband because he wanted to change gyms and some idiot with a voice that sounds like mine said. Oh I think I should join too. It doesn't heart that there is a movie theatre in the gym so you can watch movies while doing cardio.
Wish me luck

Day 6 of 10 day Challenge - 6 places I love

6 places I love:

New Orleans, LA (this will always be my home and there is no place like it in the world)

San Antonio, TX - I lived there for three years, it is a beautiful place and I met some awesome people there.

The mall - self explanatory

my closet- because everything in it is mine

the library - because I love books

Nairobi, Kenya - birthplace of my husband and a place we will be traveling too quite soon.

Day 5 of 10 Day Challenge: 5 foods

5 foods I love:

spicy nacho doritos

baked mac n' cheese

spaghetti and meatballs

seafood gumbo

pot roast with gravy, rice and fried corn (it has to be the complete meal)

If you noticed that there are no sweets listed it is because I rarely eat sweet things. Occasionally I will eat brownies

Day 4 of 10 Day Challenge

4 books

Now talk about hard!
So in no particular order.


1. Topaz by Beverly Jenkins

2. The Heart of a Falcon by Francis Ray

3. Bring on the Blessings by Beverly Jenkins

4. The Heart of a Woman by Maya Angelou

Day 3 of the 10 day challenge - 3 Films

Three films I love... let's see

Searching for Bobby Fisher - this movie is so awesome you have to see it.


The Color Purple - you should already know

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - this one is for the nerd in me

Day 2 - Two Songs

I would never be able to choose two songs that are my favorites. Seriously I have over 14,000 songs on my zune right now.

So the song above I have been listening to almost daily. It is called Colder Weather by the Zac Brown Band. Just listen to the lyrics.

Now this song is my absolute favorite song, EVER.  Everything comes after this song.

Day One of Ten day Challenge

Not the best quality but I love this picture because it is me in my natural form. No makeup, no hiding.  I love who I see in the mirror.

10 DAY CHALLENGE

okay Adrienne I am in! starting tomorrow

randomness June 7th

1. Ain't it funny when someone does you wrong and they can't admit to it they try to act like it didn't happen.

2. You crossed the line with me some time ago. There is no coming back. You burnt that bridge to the ground.

3. I am abundantly blessed. And I am thankful.

4. I hit my husband with a aluminum pan.. You know the throwaway kind. He will never sneak up on me again.

5. I have a mean karate chop!

6. When I am angry there is no hiding it.  I don't try.

7. My parents sent me a gift that I appreciate so much.

8. You no longer make me angry. I simply no longer care.

9. I bought a maxi dress. It looks good on me. Hubby loves it!

10. Must make more maxi dresses.

11.  why do people think they can get away with mistreating you?

12. Wrong person.

13. I love my baby sister. She makes me laugh on the regular.  There is no one like her.

14. I miss seeing her.

15 I think I am ready for a baby.. LOL (can't believe I said that)

16. I just ordered the manual for my new old sewing machine from the 60's

17. Music is the only thing besides GOD that can soothe my soul. I do not limit myself by genre.

18 My favorite song of the moment is Colder Weather by The Zac Brown Band.. take a listen or just watch it or both

19. Anthony can be so sweet but he tries to be hard with me. It never works. I know his weakness. ME! Lol.

20. I hurt for him at times.

21. It hard to watch someone you love be used so yes I will jump into a situation to protect him.

22. My hubby told me that I "make him better". I said " I know".  You must love me.

23.  Butter pecan ice cream is so good on a cone!

24. I got a pink netbook. LOVE IT>

25. Did I say I am blessed. And grateful.

hey everyone!

Just a quick shout out! Been working so hard but now my assignment has ended and I am home until a new one comes about.  There has been much drama on the home front between my husband and his mother. He has now asked her to move out. Of course, it is all my fault although I did not engage in this battle at all. I prayed the whole time. Every time he would tell me about their arguements I would just hum. Lol! But in the end I kept my word that I would leave it to GOD.

I am not a heartless person but you can not walk past me in my house and not speak even when spoken to. Burn  up my good pots (wedding gifts) and then get mad at me for being mad about my pots.  Anyway, I can truly stand (or sit) here and I say that this is her own doing. Did I mention she tried to introduce my husband to another woman that she believes is more suitable as his wife, to my house. *deep breath*

He was shocked as well.  I wasn't. So I will be helping her move out of my house this weekend. See how nice I am.

Love ya'll

Will be back soon. I have pictures to share of some cute outfits I bought! yes bought! But I did learn that I can wear a maxi dress so I am cutting one out similar to one that i bought.

Welcome to all of the people who recently started following my blog..

still here

the commute to and from work has been killing my energy.
I hope all of you are doing well.
I am still catching up on my blog readings

first project

I am working on M5523 view D, like the one Adrienne made on her blog. I am using a black stretch twill cotton twill in black... (it is 96% cotton and 4% lycra).

Now let's see if I can get this finished since my husband likes to interrupt me everytime I try to do something for me only...

I got my mojo back!

So my husband brought home a sewing table, I opened it up and guess what I found?

and it sews very well. I need to order a manual for it. My research  shows that it is from 1969. Threading it is very complicated and I am gonna need a diagram.. I found one online. So now what do I sew first

need inspiration...here is mine

This is Kenyan Fashion I love the print on the fabric!

from Philippine Fashion 

Jakarta, Indonesia fashion.. I heart their style and beauty.

Not all of these pictures are recent. 

I even love the yellow shoes!

This is from a Chinese Designer

Reynald Arnaldo Philippine Designer

Somebody should have warned me!

Nobody told me what marriage would be like. Sometimes I sit and watch this man do things because he reminds me of those bad little boys on the school yard. I am always drying the counter in the bathroom because he leaves water everywhere. Furthermore I am always drying his face and hands because like he told me last night he likes to air dry. LOL.

We have serious cultural differences that make him very stoic at times but then there are times when he is so silly that I hurt myself laughing at him. We argue and I swear at times I could just wring his neck and then he does something that makes me love him all over again. (okay this is not supposed to be a love story).

My husband has been home less than a week and has torn up more things than I can count. Tells me that he can not be bothered with the little things like the fact that a plate with gold rim can not go into the microwave.. Lol. so I let him. you should have heard the scream when the sparks started.

It was all a dream!

tonight my husband told me that he had weird dream about me. so of course I ask him what it was..

He tells me that we were at a hospital because we were having a baby but the baby came out as a small child around 4 years old that could talk and walk. He says that baby looked so weird.

He swears he was not drinking before hand but I am not quite sure,

Randomness 03/07/2010

1. Ignoring me does not hurt my feelings. Besides you will need me before I need you for anything.

2. Jealousy is very powerful but weak emotion. Build a bridge and get over it.

3. Went to the movies with my hubby and took some pictures in one of those little booths. Put it on the fridge and you have been mad ever since.

4. I can hear everything you say even when you are in your bedroom.

5. Protecting my husband from being hurt does not make me a bitch it makes me a good wife.

6. Our communication has been off the chain lately loving it.

7. Taking your place as the woman of your house is your right when the house is yours.

8. don't you love Fake Christians. They read their bibles all the time but then hurl foul language and condemnation at their own children.

9. The game is over, I can see you clearly and I do NOT like you.

10. Trying to think of a gift to send my step-daughter for her birthday next month. She is in Kenya but I can not think of a thing to get her.

11. I must dye my hair, pronto! Brown!

12. The gray in my hair is out of control.

13. The fake-ness is out of control.

14. Set up a online dating profile for my mother in law! Blame my husband. See below!

15. Why would you stand outside the bedroom while we are playing doctor (lol) that is just sad..

16. Found a new place for the hubby and myself. gonna let the MIL have this one.

17. Played a shooting game at the arcade last night, My accuracy was crazy good my hubby was quite scared. LOL

I got a new job! (part time)

So I got a new job doing claim processing. It is a part-time job working nights. Tonight was my first night, Seems that someone was a little upset that they got stuck at the bus stop because they assumed I would be here to pick them up.. (no I don't feel bad)

I am so glad to be out of the house. Being a housewife is not for me, well if I had kids I would probably say something different.

I am still looking for another full time job or another part time job for the morning time.

my other blog

please check out my other blog that is where all my book reviews are.. I am playing catch up because I have read about 20 books in the last two months,

http://passiononthepages.blogspot.com

color

This green has my name all over it. Oddly I have never worn a solid yellow color ever but I am thinking that if I can pull it off this dress would be it.

Thinking, Pondering, Considering

Becoming a foster parent in New Jersey. I miss being a foster parent, now only to convince my hubby that it is a good idea. I do not relish going through the process again but the payoff is amazing. I wish I could post pictures of my former foster children but I signed a contract not to do so..

view from my window

I took these pictures from my balconey. I have pictures of the ice that is currently on the ground but stayed tuned for the storm on Saturday

Books

Yesterday I read two books both by Beverly Jenkins, the first is called Blessings and the other is called "Bring On The Blessings" and I loved both of the books and yes the books are connected. I would recommend these books to anyone. The major theme is forgiveness and what a second chance does for someone.

Check them out

battered and bruised

If we are friends on facebook then you already know I had a unfortunate meeting with some ice today and I have been on the couch all day since then. I am feeling better and I am praying that the ice melts by Friday because I got things to do.

snow

I am so tired of seeing snow, I know everyone thinks oh it's the east coast and they are used to it. Apparently not, because when I turn on the news they are complaining as much as I am.
There was not supposed to be snow until tomorrow but I woke up to it this morning and there will be more tonight and on friday. Thankfully I got my diet coke stash, popcorn and my dvr.
Does anyone else purposely not watch their shows so you can something to watch on dvr later.. Lol. I know I am crazy..
I had more MIL drama but I decided to take control of the situation myself instead of letting the hubby handle it. Checked, respectfully, but checked.
Barbara Ann did not raise no punks!

until later ladies

Randomness 01-20-2011

1. yes I ignored you. not on purpose but I would have anyway.

2. I am taking you to Jesus, because I just can't.

3. Jealousy is the weakest emotion known to man, it must stop.

4. I make it look easy but being me is not for the faint of  heart.
5. my husband has been taking me on random dates.

6. Loves him.

7. Alot.

8. Got him drunk last night to see how he would act. Let me tell you it was funny... damn funny.

9. I love when he is asleep I play with his eyelashes.

10. through the good and the bad.. God chose the right man for me.

11. you think you are slick but not slicker than me.

12. Do not believe in telling women about my man's skills. You must think I am stupid. Naw honey!

13. You really don't know me.

14. You are the only person who talks to GOD so stop acting like you are his personal assistant.

15. found a sewing table.. can't get it up the stairs though.. Lol.. it is a conspiracy

Book Reviews

If you are not aware I do book reviews but they are posted on my second blog. I have read four books in the last two days with many more to come.
I am sick so I have nothing else to do.

Smooches my pretties *in my wicked witch voice*

oh it is.. www.passiononthepages.blogspot.com

My evil twin is real

I am going to stop typing my random thoughts post while I am extremely sleepy. I just re-read it. But I really do have a evil twin and she is such a heifer.
She does mean things to my hubby like hide the remote and then laugh she hard that it hurts my stomach while he looks for it.
She even hides the mail because she knows that he is gonna freak if he can't find it. Then puts it somewhere he already looked for it so he thinks he is crazy.

She is the reason that I am frantically looking for a job because I can control her when I have things to do but when boredom sets in...

Randomn Thoughts

1. People are so selfish.

2. If I am picking you up, how are you gonna not be ready to go.

3. I am not a taxi driver.

4. See above.

5. No, I will not wait for you to finish getting your hair done so I can drive you somewhere else.

6. I am not a valet, chauffer or a butler.

7. I am not mean I just don't like you is all.

8. I mean that.

9. Sincerely mean that.

10. Can you tell I mean it?

11. loves my hubby.

12. Not going to shovel snow off the car.

13. Yes i can see the snow, but I am not shoveling it.

14. I will warm you up after you shovel it though.

15. Why is it, you only come out to shovel when you see my hubby is out there.

16. I see everything.

17. My hubby keeps asking me to behave.. hmm

18. Gonna have to work harder at suppressing my evil twin.

19. Not going to YOUR church does not make us heathens.

20. You must not know 'bout me!

21. I think I have forgotten how to sew. It has been months.

22. Very envious of the dresses I have been seeing.

23. I walked through the snow to bring you your groceries. And yes I was pissed.

24. Next time, don't wear ballerina flats outside in the snow.

Must go to sleep now.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! So bored

*is this thing on?*

If my darling husband does not find a table of some sort to put my sewing machine on he is going to come up missing. That is all.