I LOVE KIDS, But I hate the holiday season!!!

The holidays are hard because of all the get-togethers with all of the kids. Christmas is harder than all of the others because I want so bad to have my own children. When I watch the kids open their presents, a part of me dies on the inside. I understand that some people won't understand and if you have never heard the words "you will never have children" from a doctor's mouth then you won't understand the pain.

I love kids and I have always wanted my own, despite everyone who thought I should enjoy my freedom. Whatever that means. I look forward to the day that I get the child god has prepared for me.

The other night I had this dream about a little girl. In the dream we were having a family reunion with my father's side of the family, this little girl (not sure of her age but she looked to be a toddler) came through the door with a bag and a box of cereal (I don't know why). The cereal box had three prices on them 4.29, 3.29, and then 8.29. I was fussing about people taking advantage of a little kid and telling my family that I would take care of her. Weird I know. I remember the dream but I can not remember her face. But I felt like she belonged with me.

I keep remembering the scripture that says: Whom shallever receive this children, not only receive them but receives me.

That is a quote on the website of my adoption agency and I recall it at odd times. I know that God does things in his time and he is preparing me at this time, I just feel so close that I can feel her in my soul but I can not for the life of me touch her.

Adoption Train

I am going insane, I am so tired of waiting for a placement. I have been purusing the boards on adoption.com and have received amazing support. I know that I have to take it one day at a time.

I see so many people on there that have gotten kids and don't have their license yet why can't that be me..

secretlifeofbees

I saw this movie last night and I really liked it. It was sappy in some parts and sad in others but the message was good and I loved seeing Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys and Sofie and Trista in the movies. I must say that I knew nothing about the movie prior to seeing it so I had no idea that I was looking at Dakota Fanning until the credits rolled. She has grown and she played the hell out of this role.
If she remains true to herself she will grow into a force to be reckoned with.

My Favorite Ten Songs Right now

My 10 Favorite Songs, What are yours?


I love music as much as I love reading books. One thing for sure is that the songs I love usually have great lyrics. So if you check out my music player it has some interesting songs playing there. (i wonder how many of you will call me out about the country song playing on my page)

So here is the thing: I want to know your TOP 10 Favorite Songs of ALL Time! And Why do you Love IT!

Mine are crazy but here goes:

1. Can You Stand The Rain by New Edition - everything about this song is beautiful like: 'sunny days, everybody loves them but baby can you stand the rain'

2. I'm Still in Love With You by New Edition - I swear they won't all be by New Edition - I think the title says it all

3. Teach Me by Musiq - I just discovered this song not too long ago. Although it was on my mp3 player I had never really listed to it. But OMG!

part of the lyrics state: Teach me how to love, show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost, teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved"

4. Atomic Dog - George Clinton ( I will not explain this one because those of you who know me know why I love it (right Kell)

5. Beach Chair/Song Cry by JayZ - I could not choose between these two songs because they are my two favorite songs by JayZ. If you have not heard Beach Chair download it today.

6. Me by Tamia - this song is so on point.. it the song you should play when you are getting ready to dump some sorry fool who took you for granted

7. Flaws and All - by Beyonce - no explanation necessary

8. You Are My Friend by Patti LaBelle- Because it reminds me that I have friends who love me and that I love them back

9. My Joy by Leela James - she is saying that there is no way she is going to let him steal her joy. She is over him. Need a further explaination? Thought not.

10. If I Had My Way by Chrisette Michelle - I am so loving this song to the point that I have to hear it once a day. my favorite line is: /'Please don't whisper anything else in my ear/my body, my soul is high/ Let me find the strength to get on up outta here

Patience

Still no baby at this point and it is starting to drive me insane. However I regained my writing mojo and have had some greats ideas. Most of them are thrillers or suspense in novel speak, something I never gave much credit to. I always thought that I would only write romance but my characters don't come to me that way.