I LOVE KIDS, But I hate the holiday season!!!

The holidays are hard because of all the get-togethers with all of the kids. Christmas is harder than all of the others because I want so bad to have my own children. When I watch the kids open their presents, a part of me dies on the inside. I understand that some people won't understand and if you have never heard the words "you will never have children" from a doctor's mouth then you won't understand the pain.

I love kids and I have always wanted my own, despite everyone who thought I should enjoy my freedom. Whatever that means. I look forward to the day that I get the child god has prepared for me.

The other night I had this dream about a little girl. In the dream we were having a family reunion with my father's side of the family, this little girl (not sure of her age but she looked to be a toddler) came through the door with a bag and a box of cereal (I don't know why). The cereal box had three prices on them 4.29, 3.29, and then 8.29. I was fussing about people taking advantage of a little kid and telling my family that I would take care of her. Weird I know. I remember the dream but I can not remember her face. But I felt like she belonged with me.

I keep remembering the scripture that says: Whom shallever receive this children, not only receive them but receives me.

That is a quote on the website of my adoption agency and I recall it at odd times. I know that God does things in his time and he is preparing me at this time, I just feel so close that I can feel her in my soul but I can not for the life of me touch her.